走出黑暗的世界吧朋友。。。

 
i am so sickened with school work. yeah, tell me something new huh. there’s so much to do, it nags at the back of my mind every single second. and i end up not doing anything of use at all. somebody, anybody!! help me!

watched Pursuit of Happyness with ericrox? today. (see what i mean? i just do inane youth-squandering things when im supposed to be doing work!) seems like it’s quite difficult to be “happy” without a steady income every month. Seeing his (Chris Gardner, played by Will Smith) desperation in sustaining day-to-day survival is enough to make me breathless. Yes, solace can be found in his son (played by his son) but is that enough? Can that make him happy? Are environmental conditions a mandatory prerequisite for happiness?

Perhaps “social norms” we grew up with have sculpted our minds far beyond reversal. Ericrox? asked if I found the movie inspirational. Hmmmm I wont say it inspired me cos i cant really relate to the dire straits he was in; and i do not have lofty aspirations to make it big, or become rich. i am generally content with my lot. of course more money doesnt hurt. but i just need enough for sustenance, security and giving to charity. i wont and cant picture myself living in the lap of luxury.

but well..the movie did make me think about how i define happiness. i’ve never thought deeply about this before… what’s my definition of happiness? if i ever had to make wishes before a birthday cake, my wish is always lone and simple- Happiness for everyone.

but no, i dont really know how to define “happiness”.

hmm.. i guess happiness is being content with the things and people around you, and treasuring relationships with everyone- regardless of depth- all the time.

deep in our hearts, we know we treasure our family and friends. but do we treasure them all the time? i am unable to do that yet. most times, it’s due to pride and pettiness. i am ashamed to admit i have a humongous ego. and i go to great lengths to protect this ever-inflating ego of mine, when its sheer existence only serves to bring me never-ending suffering.

consciousness of mind helps to keep this devil of an ego in check, but im still relatively unconscious. Hope people around me can help wake me up! Would be eternally grateful to friends who help tame my ego.

Often times, i reflect on my mannerisms and speech and feel guilty. i had been really overbearing and intolerable. i pontificate too much. and it’s always the case of 说时迟,那时快。i didnt mean to act that way, but i just couldnt keep myself in check. and when i realise such follies, it would have been too late.

我真的是极度愚钝啊! 很羞愧。

looks like i have sidetracked too much yet again.

im quite sick of my procrastination of doing assignment. why do i feel this way? why do i procrastinate? i feel i have lost all motivation. but no, i will not allow myelf to go on feeling this way.

动力是自己找来的。加油加油!!!! 我行的!

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