我的懵懂

Talking with people who pontificate better than me is the surest way to death.

At times like this, life seems to be all about trying your darnedest to live with all the jarring noises you don’t wish to hear. I feel like I’m fighting a losing battle, seemingly a battle with everyone who outshouts me. But the real opponent is my supersized ego.

It comes to me more clearly that mundane life is nothing but a graph and I’m just an ant that’s required to move from one dot to another, whether I like it or not.

Unlike many of my friends, I have no expectations or goals for the future. And that’s starting to unsettle me, especially when I hear others map out their grand plans. I start to stumble or get caught in a rut because I can’t see the panorama ahead, if any. And then there are times when I feel at ease because I see the present and I live in it fully.

Saw the 国宝 ah pek busking at Bugis today. There, the one who blows the harmonica and juggles balls in his signature wooden clogs and cute cap. “我要表演我的招牌歌了,快点来哟” he announced to the world.

他的自得其乐,让我发自内心的微笑。He was truly living in the now.

I remain confused but will work for clarity. Little by little.

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