1. am going blind.
  2. missed before sunset on arts central. dying to know what happened to the couple. rented that, and 2 other vcds: akira kurosawa’s dreams, forrest gump.
  3. yeah can you believe i’ve not seen it.
  4. dreamt of him.
  5. was delirious.

其实我还蛮有天分的 Part 3




我可是放了好多时间和精力,呕心沥血吐出来的,不单凭天分。 这个A得来不易啊。肯努力,就会有成绩。嗯,说得没错。


接到电话,叫我到Fuji Xerox Towers Level 6 应征management trainee 一职: “there are a variety of positions , come down and we can talk about it”

我的戒心很重,问了两次 “Where did you get my particulars?”

回家google 地址,在forum看到好些人谈论这个神秘电话,就感觉有蹊跷。

所谓招聘”management trainee”其实是保险公司招募经纪的手段。



本打算问一大堆刺激性的问题来jixiao 一下, 可惜没问。


In the Straits Times, May 19, 2008:

Buddhism is the main religion here, and fast growing: The number of people aged 15 and up who said they were followers jumped from 27 per cent of the population in 1980 to 31 per cent in 1990. In 2000, the last census, the figure was 43 per cent, or 1.1 million people.

Buddhist converts told The Straits Times that the religion offered comfort in the face of uncertainties and disasters, and a constant reminder to look beyond the materialism of the rat race and to attain calmness and happiness through meditation and reflection.

Read the full article here.

Melaka 马六甲

Back from Melaka. Was scorching hot; acquired a healthy tan but not-so-healthy sunburnt face.

Road crossing there is worse than in Saigon. Only saw a grand total of 2 traffic lights and that’s preposterous given the number of motorcars and pedestrians. I’m so grateful I didn’t get run over by cars. The prospect of a tragic death is so real- maybe that’s why I kept having morbid visions of myself dying in a variety of gruesome ways.

I realise the countries I’ve been visiting have permanent night markets and that’s really nice compared to the guerilla-styled ones in Singapore. A baby boomer Hokkien karaoke competition was held at Jonker Street and I loved the way the uncles went on stage clad in shorts, peppering their fist-pumping songs with cute actions. Was tickled to no end by this uncle who sang with such abandon; he was having such a good time he probably didn’t realise he was hopelessly out-of-tune.

You might have guessed- I didn’t stay vegetarian there. In fact, I led a life of pure carnivorous debauchery. Conditions just didn’t work in my way.

Foot head and shoulder massage was chicken shioka masala good. Painful, but good. Was informed that my eyes and kidneys aren’t good. Die lah.

I love how the Malaysian Chinese all speak Chinese, and had a rather fun time speaking in their accent. Noticed many brilliant photography subjects there, too bad my camera wasn’t with me.

上完课了,今天是最后一天... 早上出门忘了带thumbdrive, 仓皇地赶回去拿,结果迟到。也不知道为什么竟然笨到把 powerpoint 存为Office 2007版本,普通电脑根本开不了。到了学校便到处问人有没有Office 2007,几惨一下。本来为 presentation 打好的腹稿都灰飞烟灭了, 幸好有Greg 的电脑在, 不然我就功亏一篑了。

演话剧那天也一样, 百密一疏。 带了mp3player 却没带cable!!! 啊我几时变得那么糊涂?

为了powerpoint几乎都处于紧张状态, 也终于对那些不为自己的学习负责任的人失去耐心。迟到、自行延长休息时间也就算了, 结果什么都不懂,还要我从头到尾讲一遍,实在荒唐。我可不是吃饱饭没事坐在那儿等你提问题的人!又不是3岁小孩子, 根本没有借口。所以我没为我不耐烦的语气感到内疚。


是自私?还是我太独立了? 独立得一点也不可爱,也奢望别人跟我一样。我从小到大都是这样,自己能办到的事,绝对不会假手他人。虽然搞到自己有点“因硬撑而狼狈”, 我还是费解为什么“麻烦别人”这个概念对那些人来说是家常便饭。


Be off to Malacca tomorrow. For fun. I wonder how I can stay vegetarian at a food paradise like that.

Happy Belated Vesak

I went to KMSPKS on Monday to help sell Gratitude Concert tickets. More importantly, I dedicated whatever (little) merits I’ve accumulated to the victims of Cyclone Nargis and the Sichuan quake.

I’m going to be vegetarian for at least a month to accumulate merits for them. Sitting there teary-eyed whenever the news come on doesn’t help much. At the same time I feel more happy knowing I’m not eating the flesh of fellow sentient beings. 🙂

Donated some money to Firefly Mission. Just read their email updating donors on the situation:

We have finally managed to contact our partners in compassion in Myanmar They are all safe and have started their ground work preparing to help us distribute medicine and relief supplies.

I read on their website the volunteers there pay for humanitarian trips themselves and that’s really admirable.


Buddhist Explanation on Natural Disasters

Natural disasters such as cyclones and earthquakes are results of human beings’ incessant greed and hatred that has accumulated over infinite eons.

What Can Buddhists Do?


1. Dedicate merits to victims.

2. If you wish to help in any other ways, it is best to donate cash.

Cash donations enable charities to buy the most needed type of food, medicine, clothing, shelter materials and other supplies.

By buying relief products locally or regionally, charities can reduce shipping costs and more rapidly deliver assistance.

Long Term

We can avert future natural disasters by acting now. Be kind and compassionate, be grateful to all and lead a simple and environmentally sustainable lifestyle with few wants.

May all sentient beings find peace and refuge in times of calamity. Let’s all be grateful for every little thing that we have.


虽说”pride can be an imperfect value” 我还是难免这样觉得。要是整天否定自己,很容易自卑。所以我要肯定自己并为自己的才华感到骄傲。

要在同学和教授面前演出话剧”The Man in a Case”, 5人一组。 我懵懵懂懂成了男主角。角色只有两个: 严肃僵硬的主人公 Byelinkov 和其少根筋的未婚妻Varinka.


可是彩排几次后意外发现我其实如鱼得水。没有背台词的压力,所以感觉好好玩。着迷TVB 连续剧的我看戏时都是全神贯注的。最恨看戏时被打扰,天塌下来我都好想说“等进广告好吗?”

现在我更能欣赏演员们每个小动作背后的用心。 更肯定香港演员的演技都无人能敌, 也费解为何欧萱那种木头人还能频频上镜,污染本来就惨不忍睹的本地连续剧。


其实我还蛮有天分的 Part 2

As part of our lesson on landscape architecture, we were asked to draw a landscape. I did this:

Click image to enlarge

I know it looks like a primary school kid’s work, but I’m still proud of it. I did it spontaneously, just doodling and not knowing what to draw, and it transpired to be a self-fueling sort of creative process. It was as if every stroke led to another like dominoes. I even found myself humming Soda Green’s 小情歌 as my hands worked, as if they had a mind of their own. It felt really good to be creative. Once I caught the tip of my tongue sticking out in a mischief-in-progress way, a look I often see on my kids’ faces. =)

Anyway, I decided it was to be my dream garden. One with a mini waterfall flanked by pink and white orchids, giant lotuses in the pond, a vegetable plot with my own (hardy) gourds and melons- leafy vegetables don’t have a future with negligent farmers like me. I was later informed that eggplants don’t grow from vines. Cucumbers do, right? I think I drew those vines beautifully.

And look at my wondrous watermelons, I will smash them open on the rocks and devour the juicy flesh on hot days. But my ultimate fantasy garden shall provide me with a perennial supply of durians, cherries and maybe kiwi fruit.

On cool days I will sit on the white wooden bench and laze under the tree’s shade. And read. And swing my legs. And sip tea. Or iced coffee.

Okay, touchdown. We discussed our drawings in groups and I realised I was the only one who drew something personal. The rest had fountains in parks, lakes, shrubs, statues- apparently designed for public spaces. They unanimously voted that I present my work to the class.

Slouching back

I’m back, although the backspacing still pervades, with incomplete sentences hanging in the air.

The 三个女人一个巴刹 theory holds no water when Eric aka 贱骨头 is around, because he constitutes 一个巴刹。His desperate attempts to break the pregnant silence by initiating conversations with Chyork and I were conveniently ignored. My temples throbbed  with pain while my throat burned in agony- but 贱骨头 never displayed any concern for his self-sacrificing friends who trekked down Orchard Road with him despite the scorching heat. So disappointed! Why did I even bother harbouring hope? Sigh.

可以想也不用想地畅所欲言 将是象征我真正回来的一个征兆

我还是有点‘回不来’ 像驱魔不够彻底 昏沉沉

再没有什么让我惊艳的了 什么都抓不住 太多画面捕捉不了

不试图去描绘这些混杂的情绪 我可能会好过些

就让它们随时间化开 不留痕迹 云淡风清 不是更好

不想面对的人频频出现 我恨不得一头撞死

逼不得已说些敷衍的话 挤出笑容希望有谁能够飞下来救我

为了证明自己其实还是有血有肉的人 找了个人来喜欢

有过一面之缘 读了他的blog 觉得他对自己很坦白 不矫情

似乎也很深情 认真 深情的男人都很有吸引力




可惜感觉只维持了几个小时 睡醒后便不了了之

There, my last ounce of faith wasted on pretentiousness

I am as desensitized as a two-toed sloth and as incurious as a domestic cat now.

I’m hanging from a thread with one eyebrow raised.

Goodbye my dear readers; I am unable to churn out intelligible and/or intelligent content for this blog.

For now. I don’t know when I’ll return, but I hope you’ll miss me.


为我太久没哭的事担心, 是不是杞人忧天?世界那么大,我的这种问题跟全人类面对的问题比,可笑至极。

可是我还是想哭一下的,是一种净化,洗涤心灵的方式。 我羡慕能哭的人,他们有为心大扫除的能力,有享受伤悲的敏感度。 相较之下,我好像冷血动物,对什么都冷眼旁观,麻木冷感。

阿牛也唱道:“只有真心懂得付出的人 才懂得何谓哭 为何哭 心会痛 心也会感动” 我却连哭都哭不出来, 早已忘记哭的滋味了,我还是不是人啊? 是不是因为太久都没有心痛,没有感动?难道我真的只剩铁石心肠?哦,呜呼!



I’m convinced durians are chockfull of endorphins, regardless of how scientifically-incorrect this sounds. I just wolfed down four great hoots, and am happy as a lark. I live by a park and every time I pass runners on my way out, I feel slightly apologetic and daren’t look them in the eye. I’m sorry that some still look in need of exercise despite sweating it out every day while I get away with looking slim without any exercise. Unless shopping and running after buses count, that is.

Chicken tikka masala!* Kw is blissfully attached now and I am going to keep it from my mum for the longest time possible, lest she uses this as yet another reason to pressurise me into finding a 臭男人。

*Chicken tikka masala: “A westernised Indian dish based on baked chicken chunks (chicken tikka) cooked in a curry sauce. It has been hailed as “Britain‘s true national dish”[1] but is popular throughout the world. “ –Wiki

I just find it a very good exclamatory expression and will use it in place of “wahlao”, “wahpiang”, etc.