I slept at 5 am today! (I felt a spasm of fear when I heard my mum’s handphone alarm ring while brushing my teeth for bed. I’ll be dead if she saw me.)

Anyways, I went for a metta retreat conducted by Ven. Chuan Ren at KMSPKS, Monday. Metta is Pali for loving-kindness. Sadly, I don’t think my metta level rose because I still:

  • glare at smokers
  • can’t stand lizards
  • want to kick up a big fuss whenever I get bad service from service staff, along the lines of “我是顾客!付钱不是来看你脸色的,请你搞清楚状况!” (by the way, SMRT and SBS should be fined at least a million dollars each for bad service, instead of that pittance amount of $1000!! I can totally imagine the CEOs laughing out loud in their plush leather chairs when they read the letter from LTA.)
  • bitch a lot (refer to point above)
  • squirm in my skin involuntarily whenever my hypersensitive radar detects the presence of some people. When can i be more equanimous, unperturbed?!
  • do not ask after people after they’ve asked after me: “Pam, when’s your birthday?” “13 March… why, you want to analyse my character huh?” (I should be saying “13 March… you leh?”)
  • snap at my family. (believe it.)



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