I feel tired regardless of how much or how little I sleep, and my body’s aching all the time. (Anywhere the wind blows doesn’t really matter to me.)
Everyday I go for meetings – guiltlessly falling asleep in the pointless ones – then I stare at the computer screen. Then I go for meetings. Then I stare at the screen.
I can’t go on existing like this.
By all means, most of the things I do are meaningful and challenging. And I have stopped feeling angst with doing meaningless things just because. But I need space and time for doing nothing. I am tired of talking, of meeting people (most), of writing emails, of spinning around.
There’s no time for me to recover, no time for me to stop and rest, no time for me to do what I want to do; things and people just keep coming and they go on and on.
Each morning I wake up and the heat and thought of somewhere to go, something to do envelopes me.
I need a break. Even if this means I’ll need to give certain job opportunities a miss.
All along I’ve been grabbing chances and it’s worn me out.
I’m not jaded, I just recognise the need for me to recharge and rejuvenate.
I am content with what I’ve learnt and achieved (or not) all these crazy months and I shall go in search of nothing. Nothing, finally nothing.